Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Nary a nipple…

Another wonderful night in Brooklyn. Great food, wine, and talk that meandered from trench warfare, Italo Calvino, tattoos, and dreams to no nipple bras. Now, who’d have thunk no nipple bras could be the subject of an intense conversation. But I’ve been noticing for years that when you shop at the Gap or Victoria’s Secret, all the bras are padded. Some more than others. I figured the reason was obvious. Girls wanted more cleavage. But no. “It’s a trend,” says my young friend. “What’s strange is we walk around half naked, tiny tees, tinier skirts, killer heels, but we insist on no nipple bras. Why such modesty?” And who the fuck came up it? I mean, I never see the subject “covered” in fashion magazines. And no one really talks about it. How did it happen? On Sunday, my husband and I did our own street survey. Staring at bosoms can be a somewhat embarrassing experience, especially as a middle-aged lady. “Quit lookin’ and get your own tits!” shouted one particularly irate, nippleless teenager. Anyway, there’s no question. It definitely is a trend. Between the two of us, we counted a grand total of four nipples in an hour. (That’s two nipples per girl.)
Duh? If you don’t believe me, do your own survey. But be discreet. And get back to me.
Oh. About the tattoos. Seems there’s a girl with a wicked weird bit of ink on the inside of her upper thighs. A voluptuous roller blading pin-up waitress from the 50′s carrying a tray with a woman’s head on it. FUCK!

Posted by Brenda in 17:16:11
Comments

14 Responses to “Nary a nipple…”

  1. scribbler50 says:

    I’ll stay out of this one but I did enjoy the read!

  2. Uncle Vinny says:

    Wait, so are we pretending that men go through their lives NOT checking for nipples 24/7?

    Um, yes, I will pretend that this is true, and “start a discreet survey”.

    :-)

  3. marcuchik says:

    brenda, in all honesty – - all of those 80′s and 90′s street nipples were so freakishly distracting that i often found myself walking into mailboxes and parking meters every time i left the house and wandered the east village. maybe the bra folks wanted less accidents in the street? maybe insurance people lobbied for more concealed boobies to save zillions? all i know is, i got a lot more work done after that. ok, now i;m flashing on some 50′s film where the blonde girl is walking down the street with those torpedo boobs and cars are crashing…at the end of the scene some guy says “what a dish”.

    in moscow, we’ve got a %50-%50 concealment policy. Very democratic.

  4. Brenda says:

    Yeah. Well, you obviously HAVEN’T been checking for nipples lately. Because there aren’t ANY! I mean, unless Seattle hasn’t caught on to the trend.

  5. Brenda says:

    Pity, scribbler. Because I imagine the view from behind the bar might shed a bit more light on my “statistics.”

  6. Brenda says:

    laugh out loud. Period.

  7. Uncle Vinny says:

    Seattle’s quite earthy, so we have a plethora of ladies running free ‘n’ unfettered. Not quite as back-to-nature as my hometown (Eugene, OR) but thinner-brassiered than NYC, evidently.

  8. Ken says:

    A head on a tray? Oh, man……

  9. scribbler50 says:

    All right, Brenda, I realize now this is serious… (a-hem!) I see lots of cleavage from behind the stick (a reason right there to come to work) but nipples are as scarce as someone ordering Carstairs. Maybe two per shift would be my estimate. That’s two nipples, one girl, which is somewhere down in the range of your Sunday stroll survey. Not good. So can’t the gods of fashion come up with a Nipples AND cleavage bra? Just hopin’, I mean, askin’!

    PS: I’ll keep an eye out in the future for you if I don’t get it poked out!

  10. scribbler50 says:

    And may I add… what a lucky guy your husband is! Not many wives say, “Let’s go for a walk, honey, and check out some nipples.” Most husbands get rapped for even peeking.

  11. Randy says:

    Seems the subject has nipples has increased the number of comments dramatically. Perhaps you should consider starting a new blog: brendaandtheNword.

  12. Ken says:

    Scribbler:

    I’m really lucky. My wife doesn’t mind if I look, although she would think me silly for checking out nipples. My wife doesn’t mind me having a lady friend. (She has met her and likes her) She just wants to know where we are meeting(for a meal and some drinks) and the time approximate I’ll be home.

  13. siobhan says:

    How funny! I was just thinking about this today – I went into Victoria’s Secret and literally every bra was padded, which is not what I was looking for. My theory is that padded bras are supposed to make natural breasts look fake – now, just as an insanely plastic-surgeried face is supposed to be considered attractive, only breasts that look unnaturally round and firm can be considered desirable. So wacky.

  14. Brenda says:

    It’s great to hear from a woman on the subject. But i heard an even wackier theory from a guy over the weekend. he says breasts with nipples remind men of their mothers. Of nurturing. Whereas breasts without nipples don’t. And are therefore sexier. Go figure, right?

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