“I always take no for an answer…”
Somebody famous, or maybe it was just a friend, once said: “The most effective way to get something is to ask for it.” This, of course, is so unbelievably obvious and straight-forward, it never occurs to me. I hate asking for things.(Unless, I’m at a bar or in a restaurant.) And it’s not because I’m afraid of being rejected. I’ve been rejected so many times in my life, it’s like oil off a duck’s back. (Kidding about the oil.) No. It’s because I’m terrified of making people uncomfortable. I imagine them squirming, panicking, desperately trying to figure out a gentle, tactful way to turn me down. Sometimes, in fact, I imagine their discomfort and panic so vividly and painfully, I actually come up with the perfect thing to say to me in order to turn me down. All before I’ve even asked for something. How fucking crazy is that? Anyway, where am I going with this? I’ll tell you where I’m going. I’m going to pick up the laundry.