sad, so sad…
Oh man! There he is, Edward Cullen, skin sparkling in the sunlight. I settle into my seat. I sigh. The only human over 20, nibbling on popcorn, grinning. I see him walk, no, float, across the parking lot in a sexy, slo mo. He smiles. He kisses her. Then fuck! Twenty minutes later, he ups and disappears. I look around. The guy is gone. He’s dumped her. Bella “Perpetual Virgin” Swan. So I sit there for two solid hours, watching the movie go the dogs (I mean, literally) while some bare-chested, pumped-up Native American werewolf woos her. Big veneers and all. Where are you Ed? I’m waiting, waiting. Enough warring against the libidinal blood-sucking impulse. Just come back. Don’t get me wrong. I got nothin’ against werewolves or Native Americans. But there ain’t no way they’re as cute as sparkly skinned, pale-faced, vegan vampires. What a sorry sequel. A definite no go.
Well ya, she writes from a Mormon perspective after all. So she has got that going for her.
Click in Monday. I’ve changed my mind, Remonster.