Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Mother fucking hole-3

If I could draw a picture of it, I would. I’d like to bury every single one of these moron Con Ed workers, deep down, so fucking deep, they end up somewhere near Beijing. Yesterday, they paved the hole over. They told me it’s done. Finished. No more jackhammers. No more steam shovels. No more 1 ton metal plates thrown around up in the air like pizza boxes then dropped, SMASH BOOM, to the street. Today, they’re back. Not just redigging the hole but making it BIGGER!!!

All this, of course, while literary supernovas drink coffee in my living room, hands over ears, trying to laugh. Really. I’m not kidding. It’s a literary fantasy/nightmare come true. Starring Zoe Heller (Notes of a Scandal, The Believers) and Sebastian Faulkes (Birdsong, Green Dolphin Street, and many more) plus a director from the BBC and various crew members. They’re here shooting an interview for a show called The Novel. So why aren’t I in it, I’d like to ask. I plan to place a few copies of The Craigslist Murders in strategic places–like maybe in Ms. Heller’s hands…. (Who by the way is pretty sexy in her tight jeans, knee high boots, and long brown hair tied back in a perfectly disheveled pony tail.) Or perhaps, I’ll pull a Lady Gaga and pop in and out of various shots, nude, using the book to cover my face. Yeah. That could work. OHho. Just been asked to unplug the phones…. More on my brushes with fame later.

Posted by Brenda in 17:55:22
Comments

11 Responses to “Mother fucking hole-3”

  1. blue girl says:

    Besides the noise from them digging an even a larger MF’ing hole, your gathering sounds fabulous!

    And LOL @ I’ll pull a Lady Gaga and pop in and out of various shots, nude, using the book to cover my face. LOLOL

  2. scribbler50 says:

    I swear to God, Brenda, (even though you have too much class and would never submit to such nonsense) if someone followed you around with a camera every day your life could easily be the next hit reality show on Bravo. As Blue Girl said in so many words, “What a gathering!” and that was just another day in the life. You really are something!

    PS: I can really relate to the noise issue… I’ve had jack hammers in my neighborhood for months now! Do they ever FINISH these jobs???

  3. Brenda says:

    I hate to tell you, Scrib. But what you don’t read about are all the days in between….the days when i sit here, wishing, praying the land-line will ring. looking for work, swearing to G, I’ll NEVER write another book again and well… biding my time, waiting for a martini up. Yeah. Me and Seinfeld. Remember when he pitched to the networks. Its a show about nothing, he said. Nothing happening. I guffawed. and hey. who says i have too much CLASS?

  4. Brenda says:

    It was FABULOUS. for them. a meeting of minds/ stars with me making the coffee and styling the f’ing table. I was terrified they might actually ask me what I DO for a living, BG. but glad it made you laugh. BTW, Zoe was off to buy 80billion panties and bras at the nearby luxury lingerie emporium!

  5. Brenda says:

    That’s why they were filming Heller, Leigh. It’s a segment about female villains. Like CHARLOTTE. I did manage to give a couple of copies away to Sebastian and the director. Zoe was like WAY too scary…

  6. blue girl says:

    Brenda, I keep telling you — I’ll help you pitch something about nothing to someone, everyone! We’d make a great team.

    Hope Zoe had fun. Sounds like fun shopping.

  7. Jager says:

    To catch up:

    Took my Grandsons to see Avatar, its a story we’ve all seen before,
    the technology is dynamite, but for me the best part was watching the
    two boys cheering for the aliens! We loved it!

    The transgender thing; I know a consultant in our business who made
    the switch from being a pasty, paunchy, middle aged man to a pasty,
    paunchy, middle aged woman with stringy hair! She lost some business,
    but is doing okay. A friend said that if she wants to get laid she’ll
    have to find a replica of her former self!

    On the woman to man gender switch; whan a penus is constructed is it
    “all show and no go” or does the damn thing work?

    I’m kind of whacked out this morning as I torn a ligament and the
    pain-killers are warping me, since I normally don’t run bullshit
    like this through my mind at 6am!

  8. leigh says:

    Brenda, Her villain was waaaay too scary. It has been haunting me, the ability to write such a character. I kept waiting for her to be something more than nasty, but she was just relentlessly one-note awful. Even her love of her adopted son, which is supposed to show her soft spot, comes across as grotesque and twisted. In a battle of villains, no contest, Charlotte is by far more lovable, hence, more believable.

    I dunno, if nothing happens in your day to day life, than I am inert (which, admittedly, I am, during these long New England winters). You are always out and about, and you get to see movies in the morning and afternoon if you feel like it. The other day I caught “The Brothers McMullen on IFC. A character mentions going to Theater 80. Remember Theater 80? Nostalgia. At least the lingerie store is still there (La Coqotte?) on University. I hope Sebastian and the director read it and buy it and make it into a movie. It would make a great movie.

  9. Brenda says:

    I’m gonna read it, anyway, L. shit. the computer is busted. more later.

  10. leigh says:

    Jager, sometimes they don’t get a penis, and just “pack” artificial ones in their pants. I am not sure if a constructed one really works. Google? My father loved Avatar, my younger daughter said it was too long.

    Correction: then, not than. Oof.

    All summer long they were digging up the gas lines on my street. I was amazed at the efficiency. They dug, they worked, they patched, they moved down the block. Over and over. Sounds like your hole is a whole other matter. They are having trouble, huh?

  11. Ken says:

    My Dad, a 43 year gas company veteran would say, of course they were efficient. They ARE the gas company. Not like those slackers in the city water company.

    I grew up in the gas company. The guys in load control used to baby sit me. But things have changed. First they were bought out by the Texans, and then the Texans gave up and sold out to the Limeys. Now things (houses mostly) blow up very now and then. Things never blew up when I was a kid. They don’t maintain stuff any more.

    The gas company was very good about maintaining its stuff. One summer I painted regulator pits and relief valves. Yeah, I know, I never noticed them either until I spent a summer in them and climbing up them. Trust me, they are all over Manhattan and every eastern city. Relief valves release gas into the air if too much pressure builds up in the system. Don’t worry, gas released under those conditions is impossible to ignite–you need the right amount of air.

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